February 2012
3 posts
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Episode 46, Part 1: Doug Runs
This episode begins with a conversation between Mayor White and his son Willy.
So yeah, apparently Roger’s goon is the mayor’s son. The mayor is struggling to finish a very simple crossword puzzle when Willy bursts in to tell him Mrs. Dink is running for mayor. Mayor White is unconcerned about this because it’s just one of those election things they have every now and then...
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Episode 45, Part 2: Doug's Fan Club
One of Doug’s Man-o-Steel Man comics had an advertisement for a magic book on the back and Doug naturally jumped to the conclusion that he could impress his friends if he got it. Have any of his friends expressed interest in magic tricks before? Doesn’t matter. Doug’s going to do some tricks that will blow their minds. He has a fantasy where Skeeter, Patti, Beebe and Chalky are...
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Episode 45, Part 1: Doug's Birthday Present
Doug starts this episode by telling us that his dad takes baby portraits at the Busy Beaver Department Store. He’s really good at his job, and is often the only person that can get a baby to stop crying long enough to get a decent picture. After dealing with the child above, Phil tells the mother that she can pay for the portrait and order prints at customer service. It’s very...
January 2012
3 posts
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Episode 44, Part 2: Doug's Mail Order Mania
Why is Porkchop dressed like this?
Because Doug is working on his sculpture for the Tri-County Art Festival.
Doug is easily distracted from his work when his mom gets the mail. I assume he hates sculpting because he is really excited about the mail. Theda completely ignores him and gives Porkchop his mail, because of course that happened.
Dogs send each other mail all the time. Doug asks...
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Episode 44, Part 1: Doug En Vogue
Doug is thinking about fashion. Some people are really into it. He just wears the same old clothes.
These three are reading Teen Fad. Doug asks, “whatcha reading?” because he’s nice and shows interest in others. Beebe replies, “Teen Fad magazine. Nothing you’d be interested in,” because she doesn’t like nosy kids ruining her magazine time with her...
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Episode 43: Doug's Halloween Adventure
Skeeter begins this episode with a story. A scary story.
It’s about Baron von Hecklehoffer. The Baron fell in love with a beautiful maiden. To win her love he built a mansion for her.
According to Skeeter, it took him 17 years to build this mansion. Luckily the woman didn’t die or get ugly in that time. After their wedding, the Baron picked her up to carry her across the...
December 2011
4 posts
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Episode 42, Part 2: Doug Tips the Scales
Doug is on vacation, and for a week he’s been staying at Grandma Funnie’s house. Unlike Grandma Opal who would encourage Doug to explore and have fun, Grandma Funnie has done nothing but baby Doug the entire week.
He’s been sitting around eating junk food all day. She calls him from the kitchen to ask if he’s finished with his cake. He crams a piece down his throat and...
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Episode 42, Part 1: Doug Door to Door
This week’s episode begins with the Bluffscouts’ weekly meeting.
In the library. With cardboard trees. And cardboard fire illuminated by flashlights. And a librarian that insists they be quiet any time they get above a whisper. So, I’m just going to have to ask why? It’s a club that is supposed to be all about the outdoors. I would understand if they were doing it just...
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Episode 41, Part 2: Doug & Patti Sittin' in a Tree
Doug begins this episode by asking us/his journal, “did you ever feel like someone was holding your heart in the palm of their hand?”
Starting with a hallucination, the beating heart in Doug’s hand turns into a beet he’s going to eat at lunch.
It’s a small hallucination, and it doesn’t really fit with what Doug is saying, but it would be even crazier if he...
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Episode 41, Part 1: Doug's Bum Rap
Doug has been called to Mr. Bone’s office to discuss his last English test.
Naturally, Doug is wondering what they need to talk about. His first guess is that he failed. His first fantasy begins with Ms. Wingo busting out of the door with other unnamed people. They are members of the press.
“There he is, gentlemen; the boy who got the lowest test grade ever recorded!”
...
November 2011
3 posts
4 tags
Episode 40, Part 2: Doug's Big Feat
This episode begins in gym class. Everyone is outside in their gym uniform which includes brown shorts with red stripes and a t-shirt that says, “PHYS ED.” Why do the shirts say phys ed on them? Because the school doesn’t want the dumbass students confusing them with their mathematics, history, art and lunch uniform shirts, presumably. Anyway, most of the students are doing...
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Episode 40, Part 1: Doug's Math Problem
This episode begins with a bit of brilliance from Roger.
This is how he’s trying to cheat off Patti’s math test. I don’t know how he imagined this would work. It would be more subtle to pull out his textbook and he wouldn’t have to read backwards. Ms. Wingo busts him (obviously) and he throws the mirror over his shoulder indiscriminately. It shatters off screen and...
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Episode 39; Part 2: Doug's Magic Act
This episode begins with Doug performing magic tricks for Patti. No one else was invited, or they all hate magic. Patti loves it though. Doug finishes a trick and she claps and calls it great.
Then she takes a quick glance at her watch.
Doug does another trick and receives less enthusiastic clapping and no verbal response from Patti. He does another trick and all she does is look at her...
October 2011
7 posts
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Episode 39, Part 1: Doug's Great Beet War
This episode starts with a fantasy. Doug says that Bluffington School has declared war and the commander in chief’s first order was to punish the school traitor. Of course that means Roger is punishing Doug. He’s facing a firing squad.
I can’t wait to see how Doug ended up facing death for being a traitor. Well, not death. Paint. The firing squad throws buckets of paint on...
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Episode 38, Part 2: Doug's Garage Band
This episode begins with Skeeter, Doug and Porkchop walking down the street making a lot of noise while singing Bangin’ on a Trash Can. The guy working at Racoon Records is very annoyed by their noise. In the window of the store they see an interview with Chap Lipman where he talks about the origins of The Beets and how he started playing music. He started by hitting a bowl or a cat, and his...
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More music that has nothing to do with Doug...
Sorry, but… I have just uploaded another horrible ep called “The 20 Minute Song About Taylor Swift.” It is completely ridiculous and insane. Here is the cover, inspired by her hilarious song You Belong With Me.
As usual, you can download the song (which is actually 5 minutes and 17 seconds short of 20 minutes long) for free by putting 0 as the price or stream it. I apologize...
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Episode 38, Part 1: Doug and the Yard of Doom
Patti has invited Doug and Skeeter to the park to throw around her super screaming wacky wizzer. They are having an immeasurable amount of fun throwing this wheezing toy around. They throw it exactly three times before Patti’s dad honks his horn at her, reminding her that it’s time for her Judo lesson. Pointless. This is why I don’t invite friends to hang out when I’ve...
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Episode 37, Part 2: Doug is Hamburger Boy
“At exactly 5:32 AM last Monday, the sun came up. The first place it hit was the top of Bluffco Industries, the highest point in Bluffington.”
“It raced into town along Cooper’s Road. Shot down Main St. Took a right at the corner of Vine and Jumbo. And at 5:34 and 45 seconds exactly, after 9 solid months of waiting, the first day of summer vacation reached 21 Jumbo...
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Episode 37, Part 1: Doug's Shock Therapy
Mr. Bone is in the hospital. It’s the end of the day and Ms. Wingo is making the class make cards for him. Her only instruction to the class is “write ‘get well soon, Mr. Bone’ in your own words.” Doug does this expertly.
Doug is using those right-handed scissors with his left hand, which is always awkward and difficult. The blades are backwards and the handles...
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Episode 36, Part 2: Doug's Nightmare on Jumbo...
Everyone is going to see The Abnormal. “Nothing can describe its horror! Nothing can stop its terror! THE ABNORMAL!” Skeeter says he heard that Skunky Beaumont was so scared when he saw the movie, he didn’t blink for 3 whole days. And you know Skunky. Solid as a rock. Nothing scares him. Unfortunately for Doug and Skeeter…
…Roger sneaking up, putting his hands on...
September 2011
3 posts
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Episode 36, Part 1: Doug Inc.
Doug is watching a show on tv about the Sidewalk Surfer. It’s a show about a guy on a skateboard being chased by a guy in a van. I suppose the van is having transmission problems, because he can’t seem to catch the Sidewalk Surfer. Lucky for him, the Sidewalk Surfer sidewalk surfs off a cliff because the bridge is out.
The show freezes here and a voiceover does that “will the...
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Episode 35, Part 2: Doug and the Little Liar
It’s a new day in Bluffington, and there’s a new student at school. A girl. Skeeter tells Doug he should go introduce himself and when Doug is hesitant, he calls him a chicken and starts clucking. Not to be outdone, Doug asks him why he doesn’t introduce himself first, then calls him chicken and starts clucking. So like many 11 year old kids, Doug and Skeeter are clucking like...
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Episode 35, Part 1: Doug's Hot Property
This is Sully’s Comic & Book Nook. Right now, Doug is inside negotiating a trade. He’s trying to give Sully 3 Brainwave Womans, 4 Human Cyclones, and 1 Yo-yo Girl for a copy of The Amazing Man O Steel Man #45. Sully is not convinced. This comic is the last issue drawn by the original creator, Darby Blue. Doug throws in the first 5 issues of The Lumpy Squad. Deal.
While...
August 2011
4 posts
3 tags
Episode 34, Part 2: Doug's Monster Movie
Doug and Skeeter are making a monster movie. Right now they are destroying a model city with dirt and rocks. You might think this means they’re finishing up the movie, filling in the gaps for when their monster is attacking the city, but no. They haven’t even decided on a monster yet. Before they can finish this set of shots, Theda asks Doug to come help sort the recyclables. He tells her he’ll...
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Episode 34, Part 1: Doug's Cartoon
This is the most recent edition of the school’s weekly newspaper, The Honker. Later, you’ll have to assume that Mr. Bone didn’t pose for this picture. One of the students just took this picture of him mesmerized by this piece of meat. So Doug’s problems in this episode are centered around this edition of the newspaper, and it began last Thursday when the cafeteria served...
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Episode 33, Part 2: Doug on First
This episode begins with a baseball game. Patti’s Pulverizers is still a team, and they’re winning this game. Doug fields a line drive to first, and pulls off a double play with Skeeter. Doug starts narrating his journal, talking about how he gets this tingly feeling all over when baseball season starts: “Mostly ‘cause I’m sweating so much.”
After he says...
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Episode 33, Part 1: Doug's New Teacher
We begin with Doug’s class sitting around waiting for Ms. Wingo. Mr. Bone comes over the intercom to announce that Ms. Wingo will be absent for family-related business, and the substitute will be there shortly. I love that he made an announcement, as if the substitute was going to walk in and start teaching and he was worried the students might just think Ms. Wingo changed her appearance....
July 2011
5 posts
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Episode 32, Part 2: Doug Behind the Wheel
“I couldn’t believe my luck! My sister Judy was taking the test for her driver’s license on the same day I overheard…”
“Oh I wish you could go with us to the opening of Bumper Car Mania this weekend, Patti, but then I’d have to leave Smidgeon behind. She just loves bumper cars! D’ya hate me forever?”
Patti says it’s alright....
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Episode 32, Part 1: Doug and the Weird Kids
This episode begins with everyone in Doug’s class (hey, YO guy!) crossing their fingers and shaking uncontrollably. Ms. Wingo is pairing people up. Roger gets paired up with Connie, and he lets out a sigh of relief. Boomer gets paired with Chalky, and he too feels great relief.
Doug finally explains that she’s pairing everyone up for a “Get to Know Your Fellow Students”...
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Episode 31, Part 2: Doug Flies a Kite
This episode begins with Doug trying to find something to watch on tv. Every channel has the exact same show, at the exact same spot in the story, but it’s just a different stereotype. First we see the English, then the Mexican, then the Japanese, etc… He says it is “the boringest day ever.” He doesn’t say, but it must be a Sunday afternoon.
He walks into the other...
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Episode 31, Part 1: Doug's Huge Zit
Today is going to be a great day for Doug. He’s got his invitation to Beebe’s Incog-Neat-O Ball tonight, which wouldn’t be exciting to him if it weren’t for the fact that it meant dancing with Patti Mayonnaise. Right after you wake up is a good time to hallucinate.
Yeah, this is going to be good.
Nevermind.
After the title screen, Doug is still staring into the...
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Episode 30, Part 2: Doug's Big Brawl
This episode begins with Roger and Boomer playing keep-away with Larry’s AV club hat, on the bus.
Yes, the pink guy is Larry. The weird looking pink guy finally has a name. Anyway, Roger throws the hat and it lands on Doug’s pencil as he’s drawing a picture of Quailman crossing the street. Not paying attention, Doug grabs the hat and holds it up so the owner can come claim...
June 2011
5 posts
2 tags
Episode 30, Part 1: Doug's Career Anxiety
This episode begins in the guidance counselor’s office. His name is Mr. Shellacky. It’s career week and he’s given a test to the students to determine what their career should be. I again feel cheated by the schools I went to, because I don’t remember ever doing anything like this. Anyway…
While they wait for the toaster-like computer to figure out what...
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Episode 29, Part 2: Doug's Pet Capades
This episode might be Doug’s most insane journal entry. It begins by showing us Porkchop in his igloo-shaped doghouse, having dinner.
Yeah, this is the inside of Porkchop’s doghouse, according to Doug. He’s got a full kitchen. As you can see, Porkchop has just removed a bone sandwich from the refrigerator. He sits down in his recliner and turns on his tv and sees a commercial...
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Episode 29, Part 1: Doug's Comic Collaboration
This episode begins with the weatherman telling everyone it’s going to be sunny all day. Moments later…
It’s pouring rain. Stupid weather man.
Now, forced to stay inside, Doug and Skeeter have to find a new way to entertain themselves. Skeeter says something about reading the same old comic books again and Doug gets the idea for them to write their own together. This should...
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Episode 28, Part 2: Doug Rocks the House
This episode begins with Doug on a typical day. He’s walking down the street of abandoned houses when he approaches Skeeter, Roger and the goons. They are throwing rocks at one of the houses. Roger tries to bust out a window and fails. Doug taunts him and then, predictably, Roger challenges him to break some glass. Doug is hesitant. He doesn’t want to look like a fool the way Roger...
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Episode 28, Part 1: Doug is Slave for a Day
This episode begins with a fantasy-parody of Ben-Hur. Doug is a slave, there’s a guy pounding on a drum, and Judy is the slave master. When Doug finally grows a beard, it will be blue, apparently.
And so the reason that Doug is Judy’s slave is quite simple. He was playing football in the living room.
With Porkchop. Porkchop throws the ball to Doug, who tips it with his hands....
May 2011
6 posts
4 tags
Episode 27, Part 2: Doug and Patti P.I.
This episode throws all kinds of new information at you right from the first words.
“Bluffington: Bumper sticker capital of the world.”
See? So much more new information to come. This whole episode takes place at…
There are two typos on this sign. It clearly says “PUMPER” and I can’t not point that out. I guess you could argue that a company that makes...
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Episode 27, Part 1: Doug's Fat Cat
This episode begins with a competitive game of barnyard chess. Porkchop is reading a book.
Doug makes a move that angers Judy right before someone rings the doorbell. Judy blames all these distractions for her terrible playing.
At the door is Roger. He’s stopping by on his way out of town. He’s going with his mom to a monster truck rally. Probably just stopping by to brag about his...
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Episode 26, Part 2: Doug's Lucky Hat
This episode is basically Forrest Gump. The movie. Before the movie was made. I’ve never read the book. But remember how the movie begins? The camera follows a feather to the feet of the narrator of the story. The feather is clearly deliberately blown by the wind and meant to be picked up by Forrest Gump. This episode begins with a few shots of a hat being blown in the wind.
It even blows...
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Episode 26, Part 1: Doug's Lost Weekend
In this opening fantasy, Doug is a fighter pilot chosen to save the people of some made up planet from the chipmunk people.
See? Ready to go!
The story begins with Doug and Skeeter at the mall. They are window-shopping a store called Computer Junkie, and decide to go in. Doug picks up a game and tv plot #209 happens.
He didn’t even buy anything. His prize is a brand new Super...
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Episode 25, Part 2: Doug's Dental Disaster
This episode begins in a Smash Adams movie.
After inspecting the statues around a fireplace, Smash Adams finds the hidden door to the secret part of whatever mansion he’s in. Then he immediately walks over to that screen and pushes the call button to announce his presence to the villain, Dr. Decay. This is worse than some of Doug’s fantasies. This is action movie logic, and Doug...
April 2011
7 posts
4 tags
Episode 25, Part 1: Doug's Hot Ticket
Doug, Skeeter and Porkchop are singing The Beets. They are thrilled with their brilliant idea. See, The Beets are playing 60 miles away in Bloatsburg, and tickets are going on sale today. Doug and Skeeter thought of the best way to get tickets; they’re lining up 2 hours early. Oh, except that didn’t work. They walked up to the box office, where there was no line, and told the...
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Episode 24, Part 2: Doug Goes Hollywood
J.B. Spiggot, big Hollywood director, is rumored to be looking for a new face to star in his next big movie. The episode starts off with a few people in Bluffington seeing his limo, blatantly labeled with “BIG SHOT Productions J.B.” on the side, and then immediately calling everyone they know to spread the news.
Roger’s conversation is about how J.B. Spiggot is in town to meet...
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Episode 24, Part 1: Doug Pumps Up
Doug and Skeeter were loitering outside of Raccoon Records in the 4-leaf Clover Mall when Doug noticed Patti was having some trouble with a couple of bags. He excused himself from Skeeter and offered to help her. She gladly dumped the heavy bags into his hands, which he could barely hold. He jokingly asked if she bought barbells, and she replied, “yeah.” As he struggled to get a good...
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I made a stupid facebook page for this shit. →
I don’t know how much any of you want this, but it seems like an easy way to follow this stupid blog, since I’m sure my long ass posts can either get lost in your dashboard or are just annoying in your dashboard (because they are long ass posts). So I made this page, and I’m likely just going to post reminders right after I post updates because I don’t want to clog up your...
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Episode 23, Part 2: Doug Meets RoboBone
This episode begins with Doug casually mentioning that he had been elected student activity chair-person. He’s throwing some sort of rally in the school gym to try to get The Beets to play a free show at the school. It’s not for a radio competition or anything. Doug made a lot of crazy promises during the campaign, and he’s trying to live up to them. I guess.
I’m actually kind of annoyed that he...
lovethyconan asked: What's your opinion on Disney's Doug? Would you ever review/analyze the first episode when you run out of Nickelodeon Doug episodes?
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Episode 23, Part 1: Doug on the Trail
It’s time for another adventure with the Bluffscouts!
“Dear Journal, Last weekend, I got to go on the Bluffscout canoe trip.”
So, Doug didn’t think to write this down the minute he got home? Or while he was camping? Seems like a good time to write.
Also, the episode starts with them paddling to the shore and unpacking their canoes. Doug decided to tell us all about his...